Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
Falling off the Face of the Earth........Part 2
Ok...I know I said I would post this on April 1st....but come on that was April Fool's Day and with as much caos as I have in my life I figured I better not be a "fool" so that's why I didn't do it then. As for the other4 days..... I don't know...remember I have time issues...yeah that's it!!!
So when we last met we finished off what I remembered about 2007 and now on to 2008.....
Dale and Cindy were able to stay to see in the new year with us, unfortunately so did the other person who was using, and still is although does not, this as his address. That in itself made it less than a happy new year. But having some time with J2 and Shinook and Cindy and Dale did make me happy....a little crazed trying to keep up with their plans, but none-the-less happy. They brought some light into our home which helped to keep the "darkness" of the other person corraled a bit.
The "darkness" burst forth when they had to go back to Texas. But the control over it he had before wasn't as evident. His attention was diverted to new games with new people and he's not as nearly intelligent as he thinks he is. You see for me, I only had my faith to help control the "darkness" and on some days when I was weak it was very difficult. Weights and measures of day to day life can push faith in a far off closet. But the good thing is faith is stronger than anything, anywhere and it kept coaching me even from its distance. I was slowly coming to realize I could recognize the "darkness" when it entered my home and messed with me and pushed the light away and I began to try to turn it back on itself and found that works pretty darn well! The other person desired to focus on his new friends, in leading them down a merry path and as with most males ....can't walk and chew buble gum at the same time....so our home wasn't under attack as it had been before.
Don't get me wrong....it was still difficult. That difficulty is the main reason I don't remember where I went for so long......
Other person was internally driven (also a bit of feminine nagging) to leave and have a free play area and only use here for an financial address and storage for a load of crap. Oh, did I say that out loud????
In the begnning, I had to keep telling myself this was only going to be for a few months and the first arrivals split after just a few months....although it sure felt longer than that......so then I began to tell myself to take it day by day....just one day at a time.... and I could get through until probably June of this year. But the pain my body was experiencing due to stress was not responding the same way. But once the drive to the free play area came into play, I could see more than a day at a time.
This also became better because of a bunch of cake orders.....3 wedding cakes, 6 or 7 birthday cakes to start...... all within the same month. With that much going on I didn't have time to think or feel pain or much else.... And somewhere there the "darkness" withdrew habitation. Thank you Heavenly Father for staying with me, for blessing me, for allowing me to grow and gain
strength.....for loving me!!
I think this is where I started coming back...from where I had been....you know.....when I fell off the face of the earth. But you know it was quite a distance and the price of gasoline was going up and up, and what that has to do with it I'm not sure...
Anyway, back to things I remember. I don't remember much about the cakes, good thing there are pictures. One cake I do because it involved Bob and Teresa and kids coming here because it was Teresa's little brother's wedding. And even though they weren't staying here for the most part, they ended up having to stay an extra couple days because the girls got a little sick and their truck needed some repair. So YAY this Grammi got more time and again I remember all kinds of good things. Rocking, story reading, endless shopping and buying special things, drama queen momunts with Donna, cuddles with RJ and Kenzie and tons more. It may have only been a couple days but I remember just about every little thing. Warm fuzzies....mmmmm!
Well gosh....spring arrived and I could go work in the yard. I really like working in the yard, even though it doesn't seem like it during the summer. It is just that I don't tollerate the heat....never have and it's getting worse the older I get. Making my way back I began to see all the work that had been left unattended in the house, in the yard. That slowed me up some....well wouldn't it you? I was still moving in the right direction though and I remember feeling right.
I can honestly say I remeber just about everything from Memorial Day until now. Isn't that great?!?!?
We spent Memorial Day in Wyoming with my parents. I need to learn where all the family graves are that are decorated as I am coming to the time when I shall be the caretaker. It was passed to my grandmother by most of all the family (her brothers, sisters.. their children, etc.) and Grandma passed it on to Mom and as I am her only child it comes to me. I have helped decorate and remember loved ones from the time I was a child, and I know approximately where all the graves are...well at least I know the cemeteries, there are at least 9 in 7 different towns/communities. We didn't make it everywhere as the weather was cold, snowy, rainy, windy with funnel clouds. But I have this year to look forward to. And I love Memorial Day weekend. I will forever, smell lilacs, irises and peonies and the metal-ly smell of the water from the spigots in the cemteries; see the mingling of hues of flowers and ribbons and plants, brights, pastels, glittery and shiny;
Ok......I got off track....forgive me please???pretty please?????
Anyway I'm posting this now and I will conclude later.... so just consider this "Section A" of Part 2..........
So when we last met we finished off what I remembered about 2007 and now on to 2008.....
Dale and Cindy were able to stay to see in the new year with us, unfortunately so did the other person who was using, and still is although does not, this as his address. That in itself made it less than a happy new year. But having some time with J2 and Shinook and Cindy and Dale did make me happy....a little crazed trying to keep up with their plans, but none-the-less happy. They brought some light into our home which helped to keep the "darkness" of the other person corraled a bit.
The "darkness" burst forth when they had to go back to Texas. But the control over it he had before wasn't as evident. His attention was diverted to new games with new people and he's not as nearly intelligent as he thinks he is. You see for me, I only had my faith to help control the "darkness" and on some days when I was weak it was very difficult. Weights and measures of day to day life can push faith in a far off closet. But the good thing is faith is stronger than anything, anywhere and it kept coaching me even from its distance. I was slowly coming to realize I could recognize the "darkness" when it entered my home and messed with me and pushed the light away and I began to try to turn it back on itself and found that works pretty darn well! The other person desired to focus on his new friends, in leading them down a merry path and as with most males ....can't walk and chew buble gum at the same time....so our home wasn't under attack as it had been before.
Don't get me wrong....it was still difficult. That difficulty is the main reason I don't remember where I went for so long......
Other person was internally driven (also a bit of feminine nagging) to leave and have a free play area and only use here for an financial address and storage for a load of crap. Oh, did I say that out loud????
In the begnning, I had to keep telling myself this was only going to be for a few months and the first arrivals split after just a few months....although it sure felt longer than that......so then I began to tell myself to take it day by day....just one day at a time.... and I could get through until probably June of this year. But the pain my body was experiencing due to stress was not responding the same way. But once the drive to the free play area came into play, I could see more than a day at a time.
This also became better because of a bunch of cake orders.....3 wedding cakes, 6 or 7 birthday cakes to start...... all within the same month. With that much going on I didn't have time to think or feel pain or much else.... And somewhere there the "darkness" withdrew habitation. Thank you Heavenly Father for staying with me, for blessing me, for allowing me to grow and gain
strength.....for loving me!!
I think this is where I started coming back...from where I had been....you know.....when I fell off the face of the earth. But you know it was quite a distance and the price of gasoline was going up and up, and what that has to do with it I'm not sure...
Anyway, back to things I remember. I don't remember much about the cakes, good thing there are pictures. One cake I do because it involved Bob and Teresa and kids coming here because it was Teresa's little brother's wedding. And even though they weren't staying here for the most part, they ended up having to stay an extra couple days because the girls got a little sick and their truck needed some repair. So YAY this Grammi got more time and again I remember all kinds of good things. Rocking, story reading, endless shopping and buying special things, drama queen momunts with Donna, cuddles with RJ and Kenzie and tons more. It may have only been a couple days but I remember just about every little thing. Warm fuzzies....mmmmm!
Well gosh....spring arrived and I could go work in the yard. I really like working in the yard, even though it doesn't seem like it during the summer. It is just that I don't tollerate the heat....never have and it's getting worse the older I get. Making my way back I began to see all the work that had been left unattended in the house, in the yard. That slowed me up some....well wouldn't it you? I was still moving in the right direction though and I remember feeling right.
I can honestly say I remeber just about everything from Memorial Day until now. Isn't that great?!?!?
We spent Memorial Day in Wyoming with my parents. I need to learn where all the family graves are that are decorated as I am coming to the time when I shall be the caretaker. It was passed to my grandmother by most of all the family (her brothers, sisters.. their children, etc.) and Grandma passed it on to Mom and as I am her only child it comes to me. I have helped decorate and remember loved ones from the time I was a child, and I know approximately where all the graves are...well at least I know the cemeteries, there are at least 9 in 7 different towns/communities. We didn't make it everywhere as the weather was cold, snowy, rainy, windy with funnel clouds. But I have this year to look forward to. And I love Memorial Day weekend. I will forever, smell lilacs, irises and peonies and the metal-ly smell of the water from the spigots in the cemteries; see the mingling of hues of flowers and ribbons and plants, brights, pastels, glittery and shiny;
Ok......I got off track....forgive me please???pretty please?????
Anyway I'm posting this now and I will conclude later.... so just consider this "Section A" of Part 2..........
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Falling off the Face of the Earth........Part 1
Have you ever been accused of falling off the face of the earth?
I believe I can hear all of you, whispering under your breath, "Well I often think YOU have."
And you are SOOOOOOOO RIGHT!!!
My last post here was in June of 2007! I can't even remember June 2008 let alone 2007! Therefore I must have fallen off the face of the earth.
I WAS LOST IN CYBER SPACE, THE TWILIGHT ZONE, ALIEN ABDUCTION, OR WHERE EVER!!!! And funny thing is......I don't remember when I got back.
My life since last post is blurry at best, harried as always and unimpressive at worst. I believe I have chosen to psychologically wipe out most of July through probably December of 2007.
I remember good things, special things like shopping with a neighbor for items for 2 wededings in her household, her middle son and youngest daughter. We laughed, we scoffed, we decided this was a horrible fate for children to do to parents and we relived our youth...meaning we giggled like teenagers at the mall. I also remember those 2 weddings; cakes, krispee treats, frosting, frosting and frosting and finger sandwiches, fruit skewers and slushy punch and did I mention frosting. Also the hours and hours of clean-up, my kitchen, the church kitchen, cultural hall, my kitchen, leftovers, my kitchen. But it was good and joyous and I am so grateful my friend thought enough of me to include me in the preparations and the festivities.
I remember granddaughter Eliza's birthday and the melting "sand castle cake" And having Susie and my beautiful granddaughters Laura, Mary B and Annie and grandson Ray visit and play and love and hugs and kisses and give me such happiness with their mere presence. Good, warm, delightful "rememberies."
More things I remember are my other kids coming and not being able to visit because I already had plans to go to Las Vegas with daughter B-Jo, for what is likely a one time shot at the Retail Bakers Exposition. So while that is a good thing, it was also sad as I don't get enough time with my Bob, my Teresa, my RJ, my Donna and my Mackenzie. The things we learned there though were awesome and then some!
B-Jo and I are probably the only people I know who went to Vegas and had the most fun sitting in classes and seminars and meeting chefs and seeing everything our fantasy bakeshop would have, rather than gambling or seeing shows or seeing the nightlife or eating at the food places or shopping or the Strip or Fremont Street. We did do some of the last 3 of those too, but the Expo was IT for us.
Now as for the other kids, well RJ had to come back here to have his tonsils out and so this Grammi got him and his sisters and his mommy for 2 whole weeks. And even after all that time with me, RJ had to have his mommy call on their long drive home to find out how soon I was coming to see him. OOHHH that's a nice warm fuzzy for me. I love you too RJ and miss you every minute of every day.
I remember other things less pleasant too but we won't go into that now.
On to holidaysof 2007.... I don't dream of anything for holidays. I learned a long time ago not to set or get my expectations to high. Halloween was pleasant, Jim helped me decorate the yard. The weather was great. Thanksgiving was just anohter day, one where I fixed a really big meal, but this year I had fixed a big portion of it 2-3 days ahead. I did get to play a game, which was something I really wanted to do...so I can say I am really thankful for that.
A lot of December is blurry from hurt. December is a reminder of the loss of many that made such an impact on my life. Birthdays never to be celebrated on this earth again, death days with their all too familiar heart ripping pain, Christmases with no children's wonder......somethings are best kept blurry. There were children in and out which added to my confusion. We were blessed to have Army son, Dale home from Iraq, in one piece bodily but still never the same again. He showed us pieces of the schrapnel that missed him and my me cry in my pillow for his pangs of guilt and remorse. He blessed us too with his sweet wife, Cindy, little son J2, age 31/2 , and baby son Shinook, 10 months.....who this Grammi had not yet had the pleasure of meeting. And did we ever have a wonderful meeting....he became an instant Grammi's boy, something of which J2 was not too fond of because he's Grammi's boy!!! In their comings and goings they did bring Alanna back for some time here at her home. She told me, when they got back here from picking her up in Idaho, she was "SO HAPPY to be HOME!" She too will never be the same again.....and I comiserate with her selective memory....it does make life survivable. Dale's et al visit was too brief, but my gratitude for the time we all spent together is enormous. He is the only "blood" son of Jim's who truly loves and appreciates his father and "our family"...the others pay a kind of lip service love and respect as has been instructed by their "handler", AKA the woman who gave birth to them....I better stop right there before I post something that would need censored!! I'll just say I love Dale very much and I pray for him and for blessings for him and his wife and children, whom I also love dearly.
So there are some of the better things I do remember from the remainder of 2007.....
And this ends Part 1...... Stay tuned for the continuing saga in my review of my having "Fallen Off the Face of the Earth"..... Yes, (shaking head with a slight eye roll) I will continue tomorrow if you aren't still bug eyed from reading this long post ......
I believe I can hear all of you, whispering under your breath, "Well I often think YOU have."
And you are SOOOOOOOO RIGHT!!!
My last post here was in June of 2007! I can't even remember June 2008 let alone 2007! Therefore I must have fallen off the face of the earth.
I WAS LOST IN CYBER SPACE, THE TWILIGHT ZONE, ALIEN ABDUCTION, OR WHERE EVER!!!! And funny thing is......I don't remember when I got back.
My life since last post is blurry at best, harried as always and unimpressive at worst. I believe I have chosen to psychologically wipe out most of July through probably December of 2007.
I remember good things, special things like shopping with a neighbor for items for 2 wededings in her household, her middle son and youngest daughter. We laughed, we scoffed, we decided this was a horrible fate for children to do to parents and we relived our youth...meaning we giggled like teenagers at the mall. I also remember those 2 weddings; cakes, krispee treats, frosting, frosting and frosting and finger sandwiches, fruit skewers and slushy punch and did I mention frosting. Also the hours and hours of clean-up, my kitchen, the church kitchen, cultural hall, my kitchen, leftovers, my kitchen. But it was good and joyous and I am so grateful my friend thought enough of me to include me in the preparations and the festivities.
I remember granddaughter Eliza's birthday and the melting "sand castle cake" And having Susie and my beautiful granddaughters Laura, Mary B and Annie and grandson Ray visit and play and love and hugs and kisses and give me such happiness with their mere presence. Good, warm, delightful "rememberies."
More things I remember are my other kids coming and not being able to visit because I already had plans to go to Las Vegas with daughter B-Jo, for what is likely a one time shot at the Retail Bakers Exposition. So while that is a good thing, it was also sad as I don't get enough time with my Bob, my Teresa, my RJ, my Donna and my Mackenzie. The things we learned there though were awesome and then some!
B-Jo and I are probably the only people I know who went to Vegas and had the most fun sitting in classes and seminars and meeting chefs and seeing everything our fantasy bakeshop would have, rather than gambling or seeing shows or seeing the nightlife or eating at the food places or shopping or the Strip or Fremont Street. We did do some of the last 3 of those too, but the Expo was IT for us.
Now as for the other kids, well RJ had to come back here to have his tonsils out and so this Grammi got him and his sisters and his mommy for 2 whole weeks. And even after all that time with me, RJ had to have his mommy call on their long drive home to find out how soon I was coming to see him. OOHHH that's a nice warm fuzzy for me. I love you too RJ and miss you every minute of every day.
I remember other things less pleasant too but we won't go into that now.
On to holidaysof 2007.... I don't dream of anything for holidays. I learned a long time ago not to set or get my expectations to high. Halloween was pleasant, Jim helped me decorate the yard. The weather was great. Thanksgiving was just anohter day, one where I fixed a really big meal, but this year I had fixed a big portion of it 2-3 days ahead. I did get to play a game, which was something I really wanted to do...so I can say I am really thankful for that.
A lot of December is blurry from hurt. December is a reminder of the loss of many that made such an impact on my life. Birthdays never to be celebrated on this earth again, death days with their all too familiar heart ripping pain, Christmases with no children's wonder......somethings are best kept blurry. There were children in and out which added to my confusion. We were blessed to have Army son, Dale home from Iraq, in one piece bodily but still never the same again. He showed us pieces of the schrapnel that missed him and my me cry in my pillow for his pangs of guilt and remorse. He blessed us too with his sweet wife, Cindy, little son J2, age 31/2 , and baby son Shinook, 10 months.....who this Grammi had not yet had the pleasure of meeting. And did we ever have a wonderful meeting....he became an instant Grammi's boy, something of which J2 was not too fond of because he's Grammi's boy!!! In their comings and goings they did bring Alanna back for some time here at her home. She told me, when they got back here from picking her up in Idaho, she was "SO HAPPY to be HOME!" She too will never be the same again.....and I comiserate with her selective memory....it does make life survivable. Dale's et al visit was too brief, but my gratitude for the time we all spent together is enormous. He is the only "blood" son of Jim's who truly loves and appreciates his father and "our family"...the others pay a kind of lip service love and respect as has been instructed by their "handler", AKA the woman who gave birth to them....I better stop right there before I post something that would need censored!! I'll just say I love Dale very much and I pray for him and for blessings for him and his wife and children, whom I also love dearly.
So there are some of the better things I do remember from the remainder of 2007.....
And this ends Part 1...... Stay tuned for the continuing saga in my review of my having "Fallen Off the Face of the Earth"..... Yes, (shaking head with a slight eye roll) I will continue tomorrow if you aren't still bug eyed from reading this long post ......
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